11/12/2026
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Lawmakers who use unparliamentary language during a parliamentary debate? That’s nothing new. What is new, however, are the European Union’s attempts to standardize swear words. If I were a Member of the European Parliament—and I assure you that I have no intention of running for office—I would probably curse the stupidity of the people behind the regulations passed by the European Parliament myself:
- Snails as freshwater fish. EU regulations on fisheries support classify snails (including vineyard snails) as freshwater fish. This was done so that snail farmers and gatherers in France could receive the same subsidies as fishermen without having to establish a separate fund;
- The carrot as a fruit. The Jam Directive classifies the carrot as a fruit (alongside tomatoes, rhubarb, and sweet potatoes). The reason for this was to protect the Portuguese specialty “doce de cenoura” (carrot jam), since under EU law, only products made from fruit may be labeled as jam;
- Water does not prevent dehydration. The European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) has prohibited bottled water manufacturers from stating on their labels that regular consumption of water prevents dehydration. Officials concluded that dehydration is a medical condition and that ordinary foods may not be advertised as medicines;
- Instructions for Use for Rubber Boots. According to the Personal Protective Equipment Directive, manufacturers of safety footwear—including simple rubber boots—must include a multi-page instruction manual with their products. The document must contain information on how to put on, clean, and store the boots, as well as the conditions for their disposal;
- Poland without access to the sea. Several years after joining the EU, Poland was listed as a landlocked country in the EU’s budgetary documents on fisheries. This was because Poland was not yet a member of the EU at the time the multiannual financial framework (for 2000–2006) was adopted, and the old tables were not immediately updated.
While the so-called EU regulation on the curvature of bananas is a myth, it is true that bananas imported into the European Union, as well as those produced within the Union, must be at least 14 cm long and at least 27 mm thick. Source. After all, this kind of “banana chauvinism” has every right to stir up unhealthy emotions.
Why? It’ll do that on its own anyway.
The following article appeared in the Sunday edition on ansage.org: EU wants to harmonize swear words. Source.
To prevent any member of parliament from being unintentionally insulted, all members will receive a multilingual swear word list. The EU is also planning standardized signs and training for interpreters. Whether the new regulation should also apply outside of parliament is currently being examined.
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The Commission has already established a working group. Its chairman is to be someone from Alsace: at least he understands what it’s about! The EU adopts the common swear word standard by an overwhelming majority. Only the Alsatian MEPs vote against it. They refuse to let Brussels dictate how people swear in their homeland.
Curses are a blessing for humanity, provided you use them only in extreme situations. Uttering a curse after a blow or during a sudden surge of pain increases one’s pain tolerance. It really works—unless you curse all the time, in which case it has the same effect as the label “conspiracy theorist”: it no longer humiliates anyone. On the contrary, because it’s so effective, it has become a compliment.
Author of the article: Marek Wojcik
Email: worldscam3@gmail.com
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